Casting Coup: Archie!

*Haha! This was only the second Casting Coup ever, way before it got its name. Of course, this was before Gossip Girl became a popular television program, but it's interesting to see how my Betty Cooper is best-known for playing a rich girl while my Veronica Lodge is best-known for playing the girl next door. Funny. Brand-spankin' new pics, though, since my original hot-links (de rigeur in the LJ days) no longer work. (Now that I think about it, this would make a better series than it would a movie. Damn those teen actors for aging!)*

Ahoy. Walter here, to inform you of his new dream project: Archie. Yes, that's right. I feel it's high time the Archie Universe get the big-screen treatment, properly. Josie made it, as did her Pussycats. The fact that Archie has never been seen on the big screen is a crime.

What I need is a plot. But until that comes along, what about a dream cast? Like always?



Michael Angarano (Sky High) as Archie Andrews. We'll need to dye his hair red, of course, but he'd be great for it. Look at him: dorky, yet attractive. Looks a little like Antoine Doinel from The 400 Blows.




Blake Lively (The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants) as Betty Cooper. I've never seen her in a movie before, but come on. Look at her. She's Betty.




Margo Harshman (Even Stevens) as Veronica Lodge. Hot. But has she done anything since Tawny?




Anton Yelchin (Alpha Dog) as Jughead Jones. Again, haven't really seen him in much, but he seems like he could play Forsythe P. Jones himself. See him in the upcoming Charlie Bartlett.




Ricky Ullman (Phil of the Future) as Reggie Mantle. Good-looking, and can probably pull off the smarmy cockiness (or cocky smarminess). I've seen Phil let his ego get the best of him.




Donald Sutherland (M*A*S*H*) as Burton/Hiram K. Lodge. A sophisticated elderly man with a distinctive voice playing a sophisticated elderly man with a distinctive scream? Yes, please.




J.K. Simmons (Thank You for Smoking) as Fred Andrews. Mustache? Add it. A couple pounds? Sure. But as far as character and hairline go, he could nail it.





Miranda Richardson (Sleepy Hollow) as Mary Andrews, Bonnie Hunt (Return to Me) as Alice Cooper, and Beth Grant (Donnie Darko) as Hermione Lodge. Three bad-ass chicks playing the awesomest mums the comics have ever had.




Will Harris (also, Sky High) as Moose Mason. Now, I hate to typecast someone, because he's played the bug, dumb jock before. However, he's tremendous at it, so he's Moose. So there.




Olesya Rulin (High School Musical) as Midge Klump. First, what kind of surname is Klump? Secondly, yeah, she's pretty hot. Like, unconventionally, but still, hot is hot. I could see Reggie and Moose going for that. I mean, I wouldn't, but I could see them going for it.




Eva Amurri (Saved!) as Ethel Muggs. Awkward-looking, like Ethel. Ballsy, like Ethel. And Susan Sarandon's daughter...probably like Ethel, too.




Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad) as Dilton Doiley. "Hey, Walter, isn't that the same role he already played?" "Yep."




Chris Warren, Junior (High Schol Musical) as Chuck Clayton. Lord, I love this guy. He's charismatic, good-looking, athletic, but also plays that funny, artistic side. In HSM, he was a cook; in Archie, he's a cartoonist.




Jessica Lucas (She's the Man) as Nancy Woods. She's hot. And black. And age-appropriate.




John Aylward (Down with Love) as Waldo Weatherbee. A pro at playing "the guy with the suit that's in charge of something", Aylward has the build, the presence, and the spare spectacles to play "the Bee".




Jane Alexander (She has done much) as Geraldine Grundy. I always thought Miss Grundy was a classy old broad with a groovy side to her. Jane Alexander is groovy, and classy. Could she be bringing us a sexier of Miss Grundy?




Henry Gibson (Nashville) as Professor Flutesnoot. Admit it, he's perfect, despite the lack of lack of hair. I also just want to say, Flutesnoot is apparently drunk.




Ian Gomez (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) as Coach Kleats. It's my attempt to keep with the miage of a goofy-looking bald fat man teaching gym.




Harry Lennix (Titus) as Coach Clayton. Dear God, he looks like the comic! What the fuck???




Ellen Albertini Dow (The Wedding Singer) as Miss Beazly. Of course she's going to be in the movie. Not only was she an awesome school cook, but it's Elen Dow.




Paul Dooley (Sixteen Candles) as Pop Tate. "But, Walter, he's so old! He's close to death!" Yeah, but I'd trust Paul Dooley with my malts any day.




Emma Stone (Superbad) as Cheryl Blossom. Emma Stone is hot. Cheryl Blossom is hot. Emma Stone as Cheryl Blossom is hot.


With special guest stars:
Jon Lovitz (Rat Race) as Mr. Cooper.
David Moreland (Donnie Darko) as Mr. Jones.
Jane Kaczmarek (Malcolm in the Middle) as Mrs. Jones.
Denis O'Hare (A Mighty Heart) as Mr. Mantle.
Fionnula Flanagan (Four Brothers) as Miss Haggly.
Mina E. Mina (Eastern Promises) as Svenson.
and
Bob Hoskins (Awesome shit) as Smithers the Butler.


That's Archie: The Movie. Now, I just need to think of a plot.