Casting Coup: Ethan Frome

*A Livejournal post, courtesy of the Wayback Machine. Even though I use the word "again" in the first sentence, I believe this is the first time I ever used the phrase Casting Coup Tuesday, a feature that would become my favorite aspect of this blog. Of course, I had to add some new pictures (I was a hot-linking fiend), but otherwise these are untouched, unaltered, uncensored. This was the first Patty C post, P.S.*

It's Casting Coup Tuesday again!

Today, I present my third favorite novel of all time, and my favorite assigned reading from school. By this, I refer to the sexiest book since, I don't know, Atonement maybe:

ETHAN FROME.

THE NARRATOR
Who is He: He bookends the tale for us. Unidentified, so it's like he's us! How exciting!


My Choice: Paul Schneider (Lars and the Real Girl, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford), an everyman's everyman. Totally rocks the following expressions: listening with interest, inner curiosity.


NED HALE
Who is He: One of the guys who lives in Starkfield. Enjoys a healthy, open relationship with Ruth Varnum, and even ends up marrying her. Aww...


My Choice: Sam Rockwell (The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind), who seems like one of those dependable, dorky guys. Like Edward Norton, without the Oscar nom.


RUTH VARNUM
Who is She: Ned Hale's main squeeze, a "refined and educated" woman who freaking loves Ned. Aww...


My Choice: Claudie Blakley (Pride & Prejudice, Gosford Park), who is about as popular on Google Images as she is in America.


ANDREW HALE
Who is He: Ned's Daddy, a builder with barely enough money of his own. Ethan approaches him for a loan, but Andrew is too busy being awesome.


My Choice: Christian Clemenson (Hannah and Her Sisters, an episode of The Golden Girls), who I cast before in The Great Gatsby, because he is a reliable character actor.


DENIS EADY
Who is He: A guy who totally wants to bang Mattie. Totally.


My Choice: Garrett "Is He Gay Or Not" Hedlund (Four Brothers, Death Sentence), whose looks are better than his talent. As this role calls for much staring and little speaking, he's perfect.


MRS. ANDREW HALE
Who is She: Maybe I'm crazy, but I believe she's Andrew Hale's wife. Accidentally guilts Ethan.


My Choice: Academy Award Nominee Patricia Clarkson (Pieces of April, Lars and the Real Girl), the female Christian Clemenson, in that she's dependable, and can do whatever she wants. Does anyone else find her strangely attractive? No? Moving on.


ZENOBIA FROME
Who is She: Named by retarded parents, Zenobia is Ethan's wife, a hypochondriac (maybe) and a bitch (perhaps). Or is this just as Ethan views her? Either way, for a sickly gal, she wears the pants better than anyone else.


My Choice: Academy Award Nominee Emily Watson (Breaking the Waves, Hilary and Jackie). Who better, right?


MATTIE SILVER
Who is She: Zeena's cousin, the complete opposite of Zenobia. She bonds with Ethan, and of course, the two fall scandalously in love.


My Choice: Academy Award Nominee Natalie Portman (Closer, The Darjeeling Limited), and I think everyone can agree that Ethan can be forgiven.


ETHAN FROME
Who is He: One of them tall, dark, handsome guys, sensitive, a nature lover. Deeply spiritual, very quiet.


My Choice: Christian Bale (3:10 to Yuma, Newsies), who apparently is unable to look less than sexified in every picture he takes. I wonder if he and Brad Pitt have a club where they meet in a room full of mirrors and laugh at the normies.