The Broadcast Film Critics Association Awards, Live on VH1

OK, so I'm a little late due to The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. So you know where I am: The Jonas Brothers just played off Pete Docter for winning Animated Feature -- Up, obviously. According to Awards Daily, I missed Action Movie (Avatar), Best Supporting Actress (Mo'Nique in Precious, of course) and Best Ensemble (Inglourious Basterds).

Annnnnnd they just did an Orphan/The Lovely Bones skit. That sucked.

Josh Duhamel and Kristen Bell presenting Young Actor/Actress. Ah, plastic surgery jokes. Can we teach presenters to segue smoothly from joke to presenting. Let's see, Jae Head (sucks), Max Records (win it!), Bailee Madison (didn't see), Saoirse Ronan (didn't see), Kodi Smit-McPhee (didn't see). And....oh, Saoirse won. Cool. I mean, she's got an Oscar nom, but this is neat. I like her accent. She does a great American one, too. She's going to be a very beautiful woman.

Ah, JOHN KRASINSKI! With Amy Poehler, too. Dressed in tribute to John Hughes...but shouldn't this be Molly Ringwald and Anthony Michael Hall? Or, in a perfect world, Long Duk Dong. Some awkward cuts with the Breakfast Club joke -- Tarantino a princess? Man, is this a great montage, though. Oh, hey, Alec and Kevin! Why didn't they present? And ending with Sixteen Candles, one of the best movies ever. And now Death Cab for Cutie singing "Don't You Forget About Me". This is...odd. I'm sure everyone in there appreciates what's going on, but the whole execution is making me feel awkward. Actually, this isn't a bad cover. Ahhh, I'll allow it.

9:51PM:

The beautiful Emily Blunt is looking beautiful. I love hearing her speak. I guess she's supporting Supporting Actor. Nice tribute to Wizard of Oz, though I do not completely care for the film. Nominees: Matt Damon for Invictus (best part of the movie), Woody Harrelson for The Messenger (need to see), Christian McKay for Me and Orson Welles (missed this when it played here, btu he looks mah-velous), Stanley Tucci for The Lovely Bones (seeing it tomorrow), Alfred Molina in An Education (the best here so far), Christoph Waltz in Inglourious Basterds (will win). And the award goes to Waltz, naturally.

I like the beard. Nice speech about Choices, tee-hee. Bit flowery for a Critics Choice award, but I like it.

I love Kristen Chenoweth, but this awfully embarrassing. Somebody stop this. Please put her out of her misery.

Sarah Silverman and Adam Lambert presenting....Best Comedy. Colorful joke, neat dig at the media's obsession with sexual orientation. "I love to scissor with dudes, get over it, America!" Adam's out of his depth. At the Critics Choice. Nommies: The Hangover (fun), (500) Days (winnah), It's Complicated (chah-ming!), The Proposal (nyet), Zombieland (what a great effing movie, sure to become a classic). The winner: THE HANGOVER! I am surprised. Don't they all look fancy?

The Jonas Brothers. Hm.

10:05 PM

Haha, Kristin almost makes up for that las awful skit. Zac Efron and Zoe Saldana presenting Original Song. Zefron needs to stop taking these things so seriously. I really want to see Crazy Heart. "The Weary Kind" won, too! Now an extra reason to see it: it won a BFCA award! Ryan Bingham is a dashing chap. T Bone Burnett resembles James Cameron.

Abbie Cornish and a bearded Jason Bateman presenting for Documentary. What movie is that for? Poor Abbie has been undeservedly forgotten at every precursor. No wonder she looks so unhappy. The Cove won, naturally. Haha, the director is totally awesome! I'm sorry I missed his movie!

The ad people for Nine are promoting the shit out of it, aren't they? "Please see this! Please please please!"

10:15 PM

This helium joke really works! That's hilarious! A'ight, that works!

This future joke works in places. Like that they're really tearing through these next awards (but not). Avatar won a huge bounty. A montage. How nice. Kristin Chenoweth delivering fart jokes? No thanks. So, we've skipped all the way to Adapted and Original Screenplay awards. Zachary Quinto and Claire Danes presenting. Quinto's better at this than she is.

Adapted noms: Fantastic Mr. Fox, District 9, Precious, A Single Man, An Education, Up in the Air. Seen all of them. Up in the Air wins? Yes it does! Jason Reitman goes up to accept for him and Sheldon Turner. Most heartfelt speech here.

Original noms: The Hurt Locker, A Serious Man, (500) Days of Summer, Up, Inglourious Basterds. Tarantino wins, naturally! The Jonas Brothers are really selling it.

10:29 PM

OK, New Moon joke. Let's see how this goes. The idea is funny, but...who is writing these damn skits? I love the revolving door of her outfits.

Meryl Streep! Honorign Kevin Bacon one of my favorite actors of all time. And what, he was the first BFCA Best Actor award-winner? How did I miss this? He should have, at the very least, an Oscar nom or three by now. He is one of the most reliable character actors in the business. And sixdegrees.org is a charitable website! How amazing! Of course you knew Joel Siegel, Kevin, you awesome, wonderful man. I've done Six Degrees to Kevin Bacon starting with my Great-Uncle Johnny. Johnny's sister-in-law Anna was in the same theatre as Vincent Price, who was in The Raven with Jack Nicholson, who was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon.. Newman's Own as the inspiration for Kevin Bacon's good deeds is phenomenal. Snazzy outfit.

SAM JACKSON IN VELVET LIFE MADE TEN TIMES BETTER! Snakes on a Plane reference, to! Why is this so awesome! Best Director noms: Clint Eastwood (boo), James Cameron (yay!), Lee Daniels (ehh), Jason Reitman (yay!), Kathryn Bigelow (yay!), Quentin Tarantino (yay!). Bigelow gets it! The critics have spoken! Kath is Queen of the Critics! And what applause! Lord, what a beautiful woman! Oh, no...don't cry. It's the BFCA. Humble and beautiful. She rocks so much, nice honoring Boal, Renner, and the service-people of America.

I just realized it's only Nick Jonas and...what, the E Street Band?

10:45 PM

What, now the speaker lady is messing up?

Ah, Vera Farmiga! So excellent in Up in the Air, so lovely to watch. Presenting Best Actor. If she can give it to George Clooney, how cute would that be? I like her when she riffs. George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, Viggo Mortensen, Colin Firth, Morgan Freeman, Jeremy Renner nom'd. I do see Bridges getting it. And it goes to Jeff Bridges. When is that movie coming out here? Oh, shit, a standing ovation. That's how you know it's real. Bridges just had a nice cover, accidentally thanking Chris Cooper (co-star in Seabiscuit) instead of Scott Cooper (the director/writer). Bridges is so cool. I bet anyone who's his friend feels great.

10:55 PM

Aww, when Kristen is off-the-cuff, it works! Can we forever let her improv?

Bradley Cooper presenting Actress? Oh. Kay. Nommies: Sandra Bullock, Meryl, Saoirse Ronan, Carey Mulligan, Gabby Sidibe, Emily Blunt. Meryl will win, though, right? Her Julia Child is exquisite. And the award goes to.......ANOTHER TIE? Meryl Streep for Julie & Julia (she also co-won last year for Doubt). Ooh, are they really gonna wait for her speech before announcing the other one?

I love Meryl speeches. She always seems genuinely surprised and excited. Meryl loves: acting, working, food, and sex. Her words, not mine. What a sexy bitch. No, that's not respectful. What a sexy lady. Why doesn't she host something? Great shout-out to her great co-star Stanley Tucci.

The other goes to...Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side. Fine, OK, great. Not angry. She was good.

OPEN-MOUTHED SNOG BETWEEN MERYL AND SANDRA! SECOND LIFE-MAKING MOMENT!

Great speech. You know what? I wouldn't be angry if she won the Oscar. I wouldn't be angry if any of these actresses won. That's the greatness of this year. The actressing is at an all-time high.

11:08 PM

And here we are. Susan Sarandon, that scarlet siren with her kitty-kat purr, is presenting Best Picture. Ten noms here, as always, but this year, it's like the Oscars! Avatar, Inglourious Basterds, A Serious Man, Nine, The Hurt Locker, An Education, Up in the Air, Precious, Up, Invictus. I suspect The Hurt Locker will take this. Great presentation of the nominees, BTW.

And I am right. Look how happy Cameron looks. Another standing ovation. Great stuff. Mark Boal, writer, accepts the award. Long speech, but nice. He thinks this may be his only shot at this.

Well, that was a show. Wish I hadn't missed Mo'Nique's win. Globes are Sunday, so that should be funner. Can't wait!