How does one describe it? Opening with a bunch of military men marching into a small military base, they find an alarm sounding off, a civilian van outside, and every uniformed man dead. The civilian is entomologist Brad Crane, and he is there to stop the killers of those men: African Killer Bees, brought to Texas by...storms, I guess? And anger? Anyway, Dr. Crane has been warning of the inevitable African Killer Bee invasion for years, and now his warnings have come true! Meanwhile, the small town of Marysville is preparing for their annual Flower Festival, which apparently attracts thousands of people from all over, what with Marysville's varied floral beauties. Of course, bees and flowers mix like chocolate and ice cream, so it's a natural target for the villains of the piece. Plus, they're right next to the military complex! It's only a matter of time!
There's so much to love here, from the awful effects to Jerry Goldsmith's genuinely awesome score to those performances. Oh, those performances! Thrill as Michael Caine SHOUTS. EVERY LINE. Marvel at Richard Widmark's boredom. Wonder what the hell Katharine Ross is doing here -- the character does nothing, and Ross sees no reason to give her purpose. Olivia de Havilland and Henry Fonda are the major standouts by sheer virtue of the fact that they give surprisingly sincere, honest, real, GREAT performances. How classy was old Hollywood? So classy they could get into The Swarm and still deliver the hell out of it.
I'm always confused by the climax of the film. I dare not spoil it for those of you who haven't seen it, but if you don't care about such things -- or have already seen it -- join me in this thought, will you?: an oil slick? After two and a half hours of preaching about the dangers pesticides have on the environment, the great solution is to cover the Gulf of Mexico with an oil slick and set it on fire? Did BP sponsor Dr. Crane's research? It's absurd.
The Swarm is already tapped for a remake, somehow. Can one improve on the audacity, the self-seriousness, the insanity of the original? I doubt it, but God bless 'em for trying. Perhaps they'd consider some of my suggestions?
DEATHS: 10
ROMANCES: oh my God...all out of nowhere...I'm gonna say 3, but one of those is a love triangle
THE EXPERTS
DR. ANDREWS
Who is He: The head of the nuclear facility between Marysville and Houston. If this role lasts more than three minutes, I'll eat my hat. Pooh-poohs the possibility of killer bees getting in. Well, who's pooh-poohing now, Doc? Who's pooh-poohing now?!
Originally played by: Academy Award/Golden Globe Winner for Best Actor [Drama] (Cyrano de Bergerac), BAFTA Award Nominee for Best Foreign Actor (The Caine Mutiny), DGA Award Nominee for Best Director (The Great Man)
Jose Ferrer (Moulin Rouge, Lawrence of Arabia)
My Choice: Academy Award Winner for Best Supporting Actress (Shakespeare in Love), BAFTA Award Winner for Best Actress (Her Majesty Mrs. Brown, Iris) and Best Supporting Actress (A Room with a View, A Handful of Dust, Shakespeare in Love), Golden Globe Winner for Best Actress - Drama (Her Majesty Mrs. Brown), SAG Award Winner for Best Supporting Actress (Chocolat) and Best Ensemble (Shakespeare in Love), Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Actress (Notes on a Scandal)
Judi Dench (Henry V, Jane Eyre)
In my great mission to bring women into the workplace, I have decided that if anyone deserves to have a three-minute cameo, it's Judi Dench. She gets Oscars for small roles, you know. And besides, she's another actor that just likes to have fun: Chronicles of Riddick, anyone?
In my great mission to bring women into the workplace, I have decided that if anyone deserves to have a three-minute cameo, it's Judi Dench. She gets Oscars for small roles, you know. And besides, she's another actor that just likes to have fun: Chronicles of Riddick, anyone?
MAJOR BAKER
Who is He: Slater's second-in-command. Tasked with compiling a dossier on Dr. Crane, Baker sets about being oh so weaselly, from spying on Dr. Anderson to shit-talking Crane behind his back.
Originally played by:
Bradford Dillman (The Way We Were, Gold!)
My Choice: SAG Award Winner for Best Ensemble (Chicago)
Taye Diggs (House on Haunted Hill, Brown Sugar)
Shades of Equilibrium in his role as antagonist...though Baker is no villain, just woefully misguided. It would certainly be a step outside the norm for Diggs, who usually plays suaver, sexier men than Baker. Perhaps he could actually add a layer of professionalism to the role.
Shades of Equilibrium in his role as antagonist...though Baker is no villain, just woefully misguided. It would certainly be a step outside the norm for Diggs, who usually plays suaver, sexier men than Baker. Perhaps he could actually add a layer of professionalism to the role.
DR. HUBBARD
Who is He: Environmental research. Tasked with coming up with an environmentally sound way to kill THE SWARM. Initially at odds with Dr. Crane, he steps up when he realizes just how large the danger is. Having fought with Andrews on environmental issues before, he elects to visit the nuclear facility in an attempt to evacuate it.
Originally played by:
Richard Chamberlain (The Towering Inferno, Murder by Phone)
My Choice: Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actor - Musical/Comedy (Moulin Rouge!), SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (Little Voice, Moulin Rouge!)
Ewan McGregor (The Ghost Writer, Beginners)
Has he done a disaster movie yet? Why the hell not?
Has he done a disaster movie yet? Why the hell not?
DR. WALTER KRIM
Who is He: Immunologist. An old friend of Crane's, Krim is tasked with coming up with an antidote to the bee's venom -- after all, four stings can kill an adult.
Originally played by: Academy Award/Golden Globe Winner for Best Actor [Drama] (On Golden Pond), BAFTA Award Winner for Best Foreign Actor (12 Angry Men)
Henry Fonda (The Grapes of Wrath, The Best Man)
My Choice: Academy Award/BAFTA Award Winner for Best Actor (Kiss of the Spider Woman), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actor - Drama and Musical/Comedy (Kiss of the Spider Woman, Children of a Lesser God, Broadcast News), SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (Into the Wild)
William Hurt (Dark City, A History of Violence)
No matter what the role, Fonda brought it 100%. Let's honor that tradition with the great William Hurt, probably the greatest living actor. He'd bring those sexy spectacles to the mix, have great banter with the rest of the cast (he always does), and just class it up overall.
No matter what the role, Fonda brought it 100%. Let's honor that tradition with the great William Hurt, probably the greatest living actor. He'd bring those sexy spectacles to the mix, have great banter with the rest of the cast (he always does), and just class it up overall.
DR. NEWMAN
Who is He: Genetics? I'm actually not sure what he's supposed to do, but he sticks with the ensemble all the way through Houston, so he must be important.
Originally played by:
Morgan Paull (Patton, Blade Runner)
My Choice: Indie Spirit Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (The Namesake), SAG Award Winner for Best Ensemble (Slumdog Millionaire)
Irrfan Khan (A Mighty Heart, The Darjeeling Limited)
GENERAL THOMPSON
Who is He: Slater's superior in Washington. Very skeptical of both Dr. Crane and the ability of mere bugs to destroy Texas. He doesn't understand the very real threat of...THE SWARM!
Originally played by:
Cameron Mitchell (Carousel, Blood and Black Lace)
My Choice:
John Amos ("Good Times", Coming to America)
MARYSVILLE
FELIX AUSTIN
Who is He: Retired mechanic from Houston. Handy, manly, romantic, he's in competition with the mayor for the love of Maureen Schuester. He'll probably win.
Originally played by: Academy Award/BAFTA Award/Golden Globe Winner for Best Supporting Actor (The Last Picture Show)
Ben Johnson (One-Eyed Jacks, The Wild Bunch)
My Choice: Academy Award/Golden Globe/SAG Award Winner for Best Actor [Drama] (Crazy Heart), BAFTA Award Nominee for Best Actor (Crazy Heart, True Grit), Indie Spirit Winner for Best Actor (American Heart, Crazy Heart), Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Actor (Thunderbolt and Lightfoot)
Jeff Bridges (Starman, TRON: Legacy)
PAUL DURANT
Who is He: A boy whose parents are killed by THE SWARM at a picnic. Ill and hallucinating after a sting, Paul escapes the hospital and throws some molotov cocktails at the nest, just on the outskirts of town. This upsets the African Killer Bees, and they fly out to Marysville. Killing the town. Good one, Paul. Good one.
Originally played by:
Christian Juttner (Return to Witch Mountain, I Wanna Hold Your Hand)
My Choice:
Joel Courtney (Super 8)
You know, this role isn't poorly written, just horribly performed. Now Joel Courtney, absolutely phenomenal in Super 8, he could do this. He could impress us all.
You know, this role isn't poorly written, just horribly performed. Now Joel Courtney, absolutely phenomenal in Super 8, he could do this. He could impress us all.
JUD HAWKINS
Who is He: Engineer, in charge of running Marysville's water and electric. His son is one of the men stationed at the base when the bees attacked. Jud arrives to take the body home.
Originally played by:
Slim Pickens (Dr. Strangelove, Blazing Saddles)
My Choice: Academy Award/Indie Spirit/SAG Award Nominee for Best Actor (The Visitor), Indie Spirit Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (Flirting with Disaster)
Richard Jenkins (Step Brothers, Friends with Benefits)
ANNE MACGREGOR
Who is She: Reporter. Intent on getting the story, no matter the safety of her cameraman. Helps Rita to the hospital when she goes into labor.
Originally played by: Academy Award Winner for Best Supporting Actress (Shampoo), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Detective Story, In the Heat of the Night, The Landlord, Shampoo, Voyage of the Damned)
Lee Grant (Valley of the Dolls, Airport 77)
My Choice:
Vanessa L. Williams (Soul Food, Hannah Montana: The Movie)
DR. MARTINEZ
Who is He: Apparently the only doctor in all of Marysville, he attends to Paul and delivers Rita's baby. It's very clear when he delivers his condolences for the death of her husband that what he really means is, "So...you're single now?"
Originally played by:
Alejandro Rey ("The Flying Nun", The Ninth Configuration)
My Choice:
Adam Rodriguez (I Can Do Bad All By Myself, "CSI: Miami")
RITA
Who is She: Waitress. Pregnant. Husband was killed in the initial bee attack. It's ok, though, because Dr. Martinez is a creep.
Originally played by: Academy Award Winner for Best Supporting Actress (The Miracle Worker), Golden Globe Winner for Best Actress - Musical/Comedy (Me, Natalie)
Patty Duke (Valley of the Dolls, TV's Please Don't Hit Me, Mom!)
My Choice:
Jurnee Smollett (Eve's Bayou, The Great Debaters)
I swear I haven't even thought of her since I saw The Great Debaters in 2007. Yet for some reason, when I wondered who could fill Patty Duke's shoes, she was the first to pop in my head.
I swear I haven't even thought of her since I saw The Great Debaters in 2007. Yet for some reason, when I wondered who could fill Patty Duke's shoes, she was the first to pop in my head.
MAUREEN SCHUESTER
Who is She: School superintendent and the center of a love triangle. Unfazed by dueling suitors, she loses her shit over killer bees attacking the children (who'da thunk?). Also seems to have the second sight, as shown by her eerie comments regarding a train right before THE SWARM destroys it.
Originally played by: Academy Award Winner for Best Actress (To Each His Own, The Heiress), Golden Globe Winner for Best Actress (The Heiress)
Olivia de Havilland (Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte, Airport 77)
My Choice: Academy Award/Golden Globe Winner for Best Actress [Drama] (Sophie's Choice) and Best Supporting Actress (Kramer vs. Kramer), BAFTA Award/Golden Globe Winner for Best Actress (The French Lieutenant's Woman), Golden Globe Winner for Best Actress - Musical/Comedy (The Devil Wears Prada, Julie & Julia) and Best Supporting Actress (Adaptation), SAG Award Winner for Best Actress (Doubt), Hollmann Award Winner for Best Supporting Actress (A Prairie Home Companion)
Meryl Streep (The River Wild, Fantastic Mr. Fox)
CLARENCE TUTTLE
Who is He: Pharmacist and mayor. He's been in love with Maureen since they were kids, but...come on, man. It's been, like, sixty years. Clearly, she's just not that into you. Much meaner than Felix, anyway.
Originally played by: Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actor - Musical/Comedy (The Absent-Minded Professor)
Fred MacMurray (Double Indemnity, The Apartment)
My Choice: Academy Award/Golden Globe Winner for Best Supporting Actor (The Fugitive), BAFTA Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (JFK, The Fugitive, No Country for Old Men), Indie Spirit Nominee for Best Feature (The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada), SAG Award Winner for Best Ensemble (No Country for Old Men)
Tommy Lee Jones (In the Electric Mist, Captain America)
THE PROTAGONISTS
HELENA ANDERSON
Who is She: Former town doctor, now army physician. One of the only survivors of the initial attack. Terrible at her job: everyone she cares for dies. Gets stung, but this is often forgotten by the screenplay. Falls in love with Dr. Crane, I guess, somehow.
Originally played by: Academy Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (The Graduate), BAFTA Award Winner for Best Actress (Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid), Golden Globe Winner for Best Supporting Actress (Voyage of the Damned)
Katharine Ross (The Final Countdown, Donnie Darko)
My Choice: Academy Award/SAG Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Junebug, Doubt, The Fighter), BAFTA Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Doubt, The Fighter), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actress - Musical/Comedy (Enchanted) and Best Supporting Actress (Doubt, The Fighter), Indie Spirit Winner for Best Supporting Actress (Junebug), SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (Doubt, The Fighter), Hollmann Award Winner for Best Supporting Actress (Doubt)
Amy Adams (Cruel Intentions 2, The Muppets)
GENERAL SLATER
Who is He: The Army's representative. Wants to spray pesticides, drop a bomb, something to stop these bugs. Finally allowed a free hand, he torches Houston. Nothing works.
Originally played by: Academy Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (Kiss of Death)
Richard Widmark (Murder on the Orient Express)
My Choice: Academy Award Nominee for Best Actor (What's Love Got To Do with It), Indie Spirit Nominee for Best Actor (Deep Cover), SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (Mystic River, Bobby)
Laurence Fishburne (Predators, Contagion)
"No one has to weaponize the venom. The bees are doing that."
"No one has to weaponize the venom. The bees are doing that."
DR. BRAD CRANE
Who is He: To quote Stacie Ponder, "Super Entomologist". Dr. Crane just happens to be on the scene when the killer bees attack the military base, and he just happens to be the foremost expert on killer bees, and he just happens to have been predicting this attack for the past fifteen years. Somehow put in charge above Slater, Crane waits for an environmentally-friendly solution, before realizing the perfect plan: cover the Gulf of Mexico in an oil slick, lure the bees using a sound wave, and torch them. This is the hero, folks.
Originally played by: Academy Award Winner for Best Supporting Actor (Hannah and Her Sisters, The Cider House Rules), BAFTA Award Winner for Best Actor (Educating Rita), Golden Globe Winner for Best Actor - Musical/Comedy (Educating Rita, Little Voice), SAG Award Winner for Best Supporting Actor (The Cider House Rules), Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (Zulu)
Michael Caine (Is Anybody There?, Flawless)
My Choice:Academy Award Nominee for Best Actor (The Aviator, Blood Diamond) and Best Supporting Actor (What's Eating Gilbert Grape?), BAFTA Award Nominee for Best Actor (The Aviator, The Departed), Golden Globe Winner for Best Actor - Drama (The Aviator), SAG Award Nominee for Best Actor (The Aviator, Blood Diamond), Best Supporting Actor (The Departed) and Best Ensemble (Marvin's Room, Titanic, The Aviator, The Departed)
Leonardo DiCaprio (Shutter Island, J. Edgar)
1 comment:
"The Swarm" was the quintessential B-movie, was it not? (grin)
It is astonishing just how stuffed with celebrities these films were....Maybe they were all required to make a film like this to renew theur SAG cards, something like taking a driver's test to renew your license.
It's enough to give one hives....
To have Judi Dench and Meryl Streep appear in the same film is delicious! Having them appear together in "The Swarm" is--well--it rather stings....
Loving Ewan Mcgregor in the androgynous and sexy Richard Chamberlain role...and I would love to see ADAM Rodriguez in just about anything...he is a honey!
I think Jeff Bridges is actually morphing into Ben Johnson....
I had forgotten that Patty Duke appeared here...Or Katharine Ross...Or Lee Grant! Hard workers all....
And Leo.. Somehow I believe him setting fire to an oil slick in the Gulf...his appearances on behalf of the environment notwithstanding....
Stellar work again Walter..fit for a queen (bee)!
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